you'll never believe it

… but I broke my own vow not to shop!!!

Hi, hello.

After I got my book check, and paid off a small chunk of my student loans and my credit card bill and put some in two different savings accounts, how could I help myself? Especially after so many of you alerted me to the wonderful world that is searching “linen” on Etsy? (I ordered this dress — we’ll see!) Even better, though, was commissioning a dress from my friend Kaela, who is in fashion school, and is making me the emerald linen maxi of my dreams. This feels less like rule-breaking to me because I won’t technically pay her until July/August.

What else? I bought a few books, a new water bottle (to be fair mine would not stop leaking), some stainless steel straws to support my new addiction to La Colombe canned cold brew, some microfiber towels for my no-AC gym. Oh — shit — and two of these Instagram ad bras, which almost certainly won’t work, and which I will then return. (Wireless/comfy/semi-flattening everyday bra option ideas welcome!!!!)

A lot of my life is devoted to weighing how guilty to feel about something. I am still trying to decide how guilty to feel about how much I love to online shop, scrolling endlessly through store after store while I’m “watching” a movie with Lydia. I love this activity so much! I love adding things to my carts that I will never buy. I tell myself it’s a way to stave off actual spending — all the thrill of intent, none of the buyer’s remorse. But then of course sometimes I do buy the things, or I just buy different ones. I don’t know. I would like to want less just as I would love to want to be different in any number of ways. But I don’t. My carts are full and it’s almost July and I’m taking on a freelance piece or two to justify buying some of it. Maybe.

For instance, these pjs:

They’re too expensive, obviously, but they’re cute, and a coworker suggested them to me yesterday when I complained that I couldn’t find any matching summer pajamas that were neither sexy nor babyish. I think these fit in that apparently narrow window. Do I need more pajamas? No, never. I got these ones from Uniqlo and they’re great, and much cheaper. Do I want more pajamas anyway? Yes, always.

Other things I want include: candles (Bobby and Lindsey talked about Yankee Candle on Who Weekly today, not in a positive way, and yet the end result was that I wanted to buy more candles); a thousand of these tank tops to get through this already-horribly hot summer; this $1800 Prada belt bag, lol (it comes with a strap, too! It’s too small for basically anything!!).

Keep me in your frugal thoughts and prayers!!!!