floor length nightgowns and a eulogy for my fave Colourpop product

Hi friends! Long time no see!

Last week I deleted my Facebook (ostensibly because of the security breach, but more honestly because I found myself opening it roughly 500 times a day only to read posts in podcast fan groups I’d joined, and commenting on things I don’t really care about, and then regretting commenting as soon as the notifications of every other comment started rolling in, and on and on, and what’s the point), and the week before that, I deleted all my old tweets. That was a little sad — I didn’t even say goodbye! — and I don’t regret it, per se, but it did make me think a lot about what I’m choosing to share or not, and what I think is worth keeping (or not). I think the conclusion I came to was that I’d rather err on the side of saying too much, but infrequently, than saying a lot of nothing, constantly. I guess that’s what I’m doing here!

I am in major back-to-school-clothes-shopping mode over here, despite being almost 32 years old and having a job I do mostly from home. There is no good excuse to want all this stuff I don’t need, but the excuse I have is that I sold a book, which means there is theoretical money headed my way. It’s by far the best advance I’ve gotten for a book, and while I have lots of austere, practical plans for most of it (notably: hacking away, over time, at ~$45K in student loan debt and ~$10K in credit card debt, mostly accrued by the nightmare that is moving from one apartment to another in New York), I also feel like I should be able to buy a designer Laura Ingalls Wilder dress I’ll be too embarrassed to leave the house in. But then I think, all I really want is a house with a backyard for my dog. I miss wanting things I could buy after saving two paychecks from the Gap. These days when I want something that costs $20 or $40, I either buy them right away or forget about them forever, which ends up being the same either way.

Right now, though, that money is still just an idea, and my credit card balance gives me a headache, so I’ll only allow myself to shuffle things in and out of my carts when I’m bored. I am hoping that by the time I get a little piece of that money the prairie dress thing is over because I know it’s unsustainable and a little nuts for the average citizen. Here is some of the other stuff I’m considering, though.

  1. PajamaGram Women's Bright Plaid Flannel Nightgowns — $49.99

I learned about this nightgown from Ruth Curry, who found it on a curb in Brooklyn. This was last May, and I have wanted one ever since. Right now I am torn between the above model and this one, which is maybe a little butchier, and this one, though I’m not sure about the cropped sleeves. All I want is for it to be cold enough for me to wear this 24 hours a day, in my house and at the door of my frosty backyard.

  1. Charlotte Tilbury Hot Lips Lipstick in “Secret Salma” — $34

It’s almost too harrowing to talk about, but the best lip product I’ve ever used — Colourpop’s Blotted Lip in Ice Cube — has been discontinued. When I first noticed it was listed as “out of stock” I emailed Colourpop’s customer service, and a woman named Janelly replied to let me know a restock was coming, but she wasn’t sure when. Then the listing disappeared from the site altogether, and I emailed customer service again. Janelly wrote back to say that she was sorry, but a restock wasn’t happening after all. I feel betrayed to this day. Ice Cube was all I wanted in a lip product: matte, pink, natural-ish, lasting stain I could wear under my Burt’s Bees, $5. And now it is gone. Temptalia suggests the above lipstick as a comp but, I don’t know. It’s freaking $34, and it’s a lipstick, and it’s not the same.

  1. Gardenia Cardigan — $168

There isn’t much thought I’ve put into this one. I just like it. It’s sporty but femme. It looks like a sweater I would have thought was very cool in my senior year of high school, back when I still planned my outfits in advance, or put effort into them at all. (Stylistically, I think, that was my best year: so many cute knee high socks and skirts and blazers with broaches and cool thrift store earrings everyday.) I don’t wish I were a teenager again (well, most of the time), and I don’t wish I had a job that required me to dress fancy every day, and I don’t wish I were single and going out to bars and things. But I do miss having built-in reasons to put an outfit together. If I think of one worth $168, I might buy this sweater.

Okay, that’s all for now. See you sometime, whenever I feel like it, which I hope is not too far away! Let me know if there’s anything amazing you’ve bought or wanted to buy since the last time I wrote.